11 Tips for Immersing Yourself Into a New Culture
When I first stepped foot in Nashville, I knew I wasn’t in California anymore. The air smelled like hot chicken and there was music playing everywhere. It was a far cry from the sushi wafts and tapping of keyboards in Silicon Valley. As I’ve traveled throughout my life, I’ve tried my best to integrate into my temporary cultures and understand their ways of living. After all, I was a guest in their neighborhoods.
For this go-around, Nashville was my neighborhood. My challenge was embracing Southern culture, understanding its complicated and complex history; integrating in a way that was authentic to myself while respecting those around me, and learning to adapt. Bringing a bit of California to the South was my hope and goal—and becoming as Southern as I could while keeping in mind that I would never truly be Southern. I’m Southern with a little palm tree twist ;)
So how do you successfully integrate and adapt without losing your authenticity? How do you share a bit of yourself with your new culture and make the most of the experience for everyone?
While this post is primarily about my experiences integrating into Southern culture, I’m also going to take from experiences while traveling and living abroad over the past 40 years. Here are some tips I’ve learned along the way and thought I’d share with you:
Don’t be a jerk. Seriously. Time and time again, and in many different forms, I’ve traveled to other areas and either the group that I’ve traveled with or others around me from my homeland have been very vocal that their ___________ (fill in the blank: food, level of service, cleanliness, etc.) is better at home. The whole point of traveling and experiencing a different culture is just that: experiencing the differences, not to make a comparison grab. This rude and obnoxious behavior prevents you from getting the most out of your experience; avoid it so the experience can be enriching and rewarding.
Be open-minded. You are going to experience things that you have never seen or done before, so try to keep an open mind. Get curious and ask yourself what you’ll gain from the experience rather than making a snap judgment. This leads me to point three…
Don’t judge. Just because you think your x,y,z is the best thing since sliced bread does not mean it is in another area of the world. The quickest way to completely alienate yourself is to judge those around you. Try to judge less and listen a bit more. Ask thoughtful and illuminating questions. You may not be familiar with a new custom or ritual, and that is okay. Instead of thinking it is not this way or that, perhaps bring a sense of gratitude for learning something new about your destination and about the people who live there.
Learn to laugh about the differences. There will be a lot of faux pas on both sides. One time when I was living in Spain, my host mom said in Spanish that if I didn’t eat all of my food again, she was going to drown me. This was a Spanish colloquialism and could be compared to the English idiom of “making one’s blood run cold.” We all have our own unique expressions and sayings that when taken quite literally can be a bit jarring. But if you take the time to understand the root of the expression and what it really is saying, you can find some humor in it. I assure you, she really wasn’t trying to drown me :)
Combat stereotypes. Ah yes, one of my favorites. I spent years fighting stereotyping in tech and breaking down barriers for others to advance. And here in Nashville, I am a Californian in an area that didn’t seem to be favorable toward my kind. It is not my responsibility to answer to the stereotypes about Californians living in Nashville, nor do I have to defend myself. However, I do need to be a good citizen and not fight fire with fire by adding to the stereotyping. What I’ve chosen to do instead is listen, learn, and understand where others are coming from, and hope that they do the same with me. Stereotyping protects others and creates a baseline for what you want to avoid and not let into your group, and that can be very detrimental. Making personal connections is one of the quickest ways to help others see you for who you are, which is likely not so far off from themselves. Bringing me to point six…
Find connection points. One of the lines in my song “Cali Girl” is, “And those collard greens aren’t the same as a smoothie, but I like them just the same, they are growing on me.” Collard greens are a form of Southern comfort food. I really hadn’t had much Southern comfort food—especially not authentic comfort food—until I started living in Nashville. I had collard greens, or greens, within a few months of living here. They were definitely different than anything I had tried before but what I realized is that this type of comfort food is exactly the same type of comfort food that we have in California—it just looks a little different. We tend to really enjoy our Jamba Juice in California, especially after going for a run or being stressed out. Whenever I smell fresh oranges, it reminds me of home; it’s comforting. Both cultures like to be comforted; both cultures have different foods which represent this. That’s a connection.
Get to know others. I’ve really made it a point to try and get to know others. I talk to people everywhere, I want to understand them and their stories. I know this isn’t for everyone, and some folks are introverted, so making connections is rather tasking. But, there are a million ways to make connections and build community in a holistic and natural way. The sooner that they can get to know you, and you get to know them, the easier it is for them to see all you bring to the table.
Join a group. One of the first things that I did when I moved here was join a church. It helped me establish some strong connections and get grounded. It also helped that there were others who weren’t from the area that could relate to my experience. Once Covid hit and we could no longer meet in person, I started meeting with another group virtually where I would go on to meet one of my best friends in Nashville. The fabric of a support network will help you as you encounter some very stark contrasts between your old life and your new life. I’ve been grateful for these outlets to help me authentically express myself so I can project a more balanced person out into my new community.
Make friends. It’s really easy to make friends in the South because folks are quite amiable. A close group of my friends came to me by way of a Titans game. They invited me to sit with them after we attended a tailgate party together and we’ve been fast friends ever since. But, I had to be willing to open my heart to the invitation, let my guard down, and get to know them on a personal level. Friends will help guide you, give you the honest truth, and enlighten you about all things local :)
Share in a kind way. Sharing is caring and can be kind, but it can also be distasteful. I’ve tried to share as much about California culture as I can while finding the places where it appropriately fits into Southern culture. I haven’t tried to trump those around me but rather illuminate the beautiful aspects of California and also help others understand why we are prone to doing what we do. One such example is a streak of independence. Californians are taught to be independent. While there are many examples of community unity, you have to make your own way, and often alone. This means getting your own groceries, holding your own door, getting your own shopping cart, carrying your bags, the list goes on. One of the first things that I had to adjust to was having folks ask if they could help me. I was really hesitant until I wasn’t and said okay. I helped others understand why I was so prone to doing everything myself; it’s just a form of survival in a place where I had spent the majority of my life.
Step into a way of life. Lastly, another thing that Californians tend to do is make every minute count, not always in the most positive way. We are always trying to shave off another second so we can be more productive, make more money, achieve more, do more, be more, etc. When I came to the South, I felt a relaxed atmosphere. It’s not that folks are any less productive, it’s that they have different priorities, and slowing down a bit tends to be one. This also makes way for building stronger relationships because folks actually take the time to talk to one another. Stepping into being more mindful, slowing down, and speaking to my neighbors has increased my overall happiness level and centeredness. It’s really amazing!
After living for almost three years in the South, I feel grateful to have moved, to have had this experience, and to have this now be part of my being. I don’t feel any less Californian; in fact, I feel like I love my California roots because I recognize it more now since there are such stark differences. And I appreciate those differences. I’ve tried to take the best of both worlds and create a new Cali-Southern world for myself, and hopefully, those around me have appreciated that I like to add avocado to my salad and be-bop around to ska music. After all, I’m just a Cali Girl livin’ in a Southern World℠ ;)