Breaking Bread Around the Holidays

In just a few months, I’m releasing my first album, “Breaking Bread: Songs of Reconciliation.” I’ve reflected a lot on the act of breaking bread, which traditionally has been seen as a point of reconciliation, and what that means for us individually, corporally, and as a society. 

With the holidays in full swing, I thought it would be apropos to take a few minutes and write about why it can be challenging to break bread with our families. Family disagreements and disputes can stem from long-standing distrust, lack of integrity, childhood wounds and trauma that haven’t healed, poor communication, and more. The list is long and endless. Often the folks with whom we should be sharing the most intimate of relationships, we have the hardest time of being in their company. How often have we heard someone lament about having to go back home to spend Thanksgiving or Christmas with their family because they know that some type of argument will ensue and then the holidays are “ruined”? How often have we seen this very scene portrayed in movies and TV, which is so often a reflection of our societal norms and customs? 

These spats have become inevitable, arguably even more so as we are coming out of this pandemic. You’d think that because we’ve been separated from our families for so long, we’d build a greater appreciation for them, but in reality, the saga continues. How do we break these toxic cycles and get to the heart of reconciliation where wholesome family meals can take place rather than ones where family members are going at it? Where do we start and how do we get to that peace-filled picture? 

In my experience, the first place to begin on the path to peace is simply by asking to have a meal with the family member(s) in question. Trite maybe; idealistic, possibly; realistic, yes. Can you be honest with yourself and come to a place where you can put aside your differences and start to talk openly, honestly, and without reservation with the other? Can you be transparent in the hopes that you will be better off in the end? While this may seem challenging, often it is easier than we want to admit. Moreso, it is disarming ourselves and bringing down the wall that has been built up over the years. When we share a meal with our family, we can look each other in the eye and remember the things that used to connect us rather than disconnect us. Where you can start to talk about the memories that you shared. Where you can bring out an old photo or two. Where you can remember that you once were friends rather than sworn enemies.

You have to ask yourself, “What do I want out of this meal and sharing the invitation to break bread, and is the other person on the same page?” Inviting someone to the table to share in an open and honest conversation does not mean that you have to be besties with them, it simply means that you can look each other in the eye and find empathy and hope rather than hatred. It means that your other family members do not need to suffer because there is an ongoing riff. It means that you will be healthier because you are not carrying around this unwanted family baggage that you should have offloaded years ago. Can you honestly answer why you had that riff in the first place? Has it been going on so long that you’ve now forgotten but somehow you know that you just don’t “like” the person anymore? 

Breaking bread is not easy, I’m not pretending that it is so. What is easy is the conscious decision to do something different than you have been doing for the last 30 years and try to forge a new path—those things are all in our control and we can at the very least try. 

My prayer for society is that we can take a page out of Christ's book, who was the master of sharing a meal with his "enemies" and who found a way to love them in spite of it.

As they were eating, Jesus took some bread. He offered a blessing over the bread, and then He broke it and gave it to His disciples.

-Matthew 26:26 (The Voice Translation)

I pray that we have more of these open and honest meals with each other. That we start to lay aside our differences and find our commonalities again. Being different is great, having differences that create toxic and unbearable situations is not :) 

Wouldn’t this be a beautiful society if we could come together, starting at the family level, and try to heal some of the deep wounds that we’ve been carrying around? Open discussions may have never been part of your family dynamic in the past but there’s never been a better time to start than now. Especially as we celebrate yet often miss the entirety and meaning of the very holiday that we are celebrating, Christmas. 

So as we approach this new year of 2022, I pray you find the commonalities with your family, you remember what food you used to share with your sister and how much you both liked New Kids on the Block. Those moments are there if you try hard enough. This holiday season, ask someone that you’ve been harboring resentment against to catch a movie and have a bowl of spaghetti. If you take the first step, perhaps they will too and that will start the walk of a lifetime toward a brand new movement. Your mother will thank you ;)