“Breaking Bread: Songs of Reconciliation” Act 1: What Do You See in the Mirror Staring Back at Me?

Sometimes when we look in the mirror, the reflection that we get back is distorted. This distortion can be a result of unmet expectations, low-self esteem, past trauma, insecurities, unfulfilled dreams, unhappiness at our current state, anger, rage, and disdain. How could something so beautiful as one’s reflection get so marred? So how do we get it back to its original form? We have to unpeel the layers of muck that have created this disfiguration. 

When I first arrived in Nashville, I was out and about on the town, never stopping. And then the pandemic hit, and I was forced to stop. I wrote some material prior to the pandemic, but most of the songs were about healing other relationships and less about healing myself. I realized that to create the outward love that I so desperately wanted, I first had to start within and break bread with myself. To sit and have a meal with others is one of life’s greatest joys, but to sit alone and have a meal with yourself, well, that can be downright terrifying. Breaking bread with myself looked like a long, internal dialogue over several months (well one and a half pandemic years to be precise :)) to make peace with my unresolved feelings inside in order to move forward. 

Act 1 of my upcoming album, “Breaking Bread: Songs of Reconciliation” is just about that: looking inside to make peace with yourself before making peace with others and society as a whole. The songs in this act— “Anthem Song,” “Two Feet at a Time,” “Nashville,” “Cali Girl,” “Rock N’ Roll Star,” “Meet You Soon,” and “Little Girl”—are all about the acceptance, self-love, and peace we find within ourselves. 

The very first song that I completed for the album that was focused on my journey in self-love was  “Anthem Song.” Moving away from the hustle of Silicon Valley and the unrealistic expectations set out for me, I could see who I was shaped to be by outside influences versus who I really was. I didn’t like that artificial version of myself and just wanted to be my authentic self so desperately. The lines in “Anthem Song” are, “I just gotta be me, you be you, do whatever you like, and I will too.” This really was a cry of frustration and a declaration that for once on this Earth, I’m going to live out my life the way that I want to live it out, not the way that everyone has told me to live it or what society expects of me. 

Once I was able to draw that line in the sand and make the decision to live without external input, I started to examine why I was living my life for others and who I had become because of it. During that period, when I looked in the mirror, I barely recognized myself. Instead, I saw all of the damage done from almost 40 years of other people’s unhealthy and unresolved feelings placed upon me. I also saw the little girl inside of me who was taught to be critical and now so disappointed in me for not rising to their expectations of who I could be. I had to let it all go. 

I started the process of self-examination, first why did I come to Nashville, what was that all about? What did God want me to accomplish here? And why me? Then I had to look at other themes like coming up against a biological clock that was not ticking in my favor with regard to motherhood, especially when all of my friends were having children. And then there was fame. If my music ‘took off’ and I became ‘somebody’ would I be that person for the right reasons?  Lastly, I had to talk to that little girl inside of me and level with her; that the person I am today was the person that I had become, and that was good enough. By making peace with it instead of continuing to fight it, we can walk through this life in peace and harmony. 

Let’s just say that the pandemic time was some of the best in terms of healing but also some of the hardest. So often we want to change but aren’t willing to take a moment and stop to make that change happen; it’s just easier to live our lives the way that we are living because we know how to live that life and it’s comfortable. But for those that make the decision to change and take those steps, life on the other side can shine like never before. 

My hope would be as I've swung this mirror around at myself and have taken a deep, hard look at these truths inside of me, that you, the listener, will find the same inside of yourself and use this as a platform to be able to explore your own unresolvedness within. That you can see the things that you want to change and take the steps to do so. That these songs can provide the inspiration for you to be able to start this process. And know that it is possible, it can just take a bit of time. When you venture on this journey of self-love and acceptance, it makes it so much easier to love and accept others. 

The journey is just getting started. Pre-save and pre-add my album, “Breaking Bread: Songs of Reconciliation” before it drops on July 15.