So You Wanna Be a Rock ‘n Roll Star?

When I first moved to Nashville from California, my sights were set on fulfilling what God asked me to do: sing and song write. I wasn’t quite sure where the journey would take me or how it would unfold, but I was excited and ready. Shortly after I arrived and started to settle in, I was a bit disenchanted with God because I felt like I should have already received my Grammy—isn’t that what it looks like to be a celebrated musician, earning a Grammy? The perception of being a musician and the reality of being one are often two different things. 

Music is like a tapestry; it comes in many colors, patterns, and designs. Being a “popular” musician is one path, but so is one that will most likely never receive a Grammy nomination because their genre or focal area is not recognized, or they don’t need that recognition to know that they are making an impact. I had to check myself on that when I arrived in Nashville. Did I want the Grammy because I thought that was the hallmark of success as a musician, or did I want the Grammy because I wanted the limelight that comes with it? These questions inspired the song “Rock N Roll Star” from my album, “Breaking Bread: Songs of Reconciliation.” 

So you want to be a rock n roll star

Playing to those big 'ol crowds

What do you think they'll do

Will they get the best of you

Are going to do this from your heart

From the very start

Or will you sell out to yourself

And buy that big 'ol house

In the three years since arriving in Nashville, I’ve been continuously searching for my “why.” Why I’m making music, producing music, and striving to get my art and message out in the public domain, a lot of whys, and with them come a lot of soul searching. The line that always gets me in “Rock N Roll Star” is, “Are you going to do this from your heart?” Time and time again, I come back to this question. What does it mean to do something from your heart with pure intention versus ulterior motives (like the pursuit of fame).

For my journey to Nashville, I always felt like the pureness of heart came from the original ‘why’: Answering the call from God to come to Music City to sing and song write. I didn’t have any motives or goals other than following God on this grand adventure. However, that intention started to get overwhelmed and clouded by the business side of music and my envy and comparison from being in a city where there is a plethora of musicians at the top of their game, like Taylor Swift, Garth Brooks, and Jack White. Instead of using these artists’ stories to fuel my own art, it made the purity of the original picture hard to see. What was I chasing now versus what originally brought me to Nashville? 

We often have points on our journey, no matter our pursuits, where we must check ourselves and our intentions. Writing “Rock N Roll Star'' was that gut check for me. Interestingly enough, I started writing this song after watching the movie “A Star is Born,” starring Lady Gaga and Bradly Cooper, while on a flight back from California. In many ways, the movie inspired me with its message that anyone can ‘make it,’ but it also drove home the realities that many faces in the music industry— feeling more broken and shattered than upon entering it. I realized that I didn’t want that to be my story. 

“Rock N Roll Star” addresses the often deep insecurities some experience and why fame is sought in the first place—a means of validation. 

Who will you run off to

When you get a bad review

Are you gonna take a pause

Or just try to get more applause

You know where your heart is at

It doesn't lie with that

It will never fulfill you

Even though you want it to

For my own story, I left Silicon Valley with a heart seeped with insecurities and tried to remedy those insecurities through people pleasing and obtaining praise. When we look through the lens of a world dominated by Instagram and TikTok, praise comes from an insatiable desire for more likes, comments, pats on the back, and atta girls. The more notable you can be, the more feedback and validation you can feed off until it stops, and you are left with yourself in the same empty position as you started. 

If your heart is not filled with love for yourself, you keep trying to chase that fulfillment through others, and as a friend of mine once put it, “you will be chasing the wind.” It is a foolish and fruitless endeavor, a trap that is easy to fall into if you don't have a strong sense of who you are and don't look to others to determine that for you. When you continue to chase people for validation, you end up leaving behind the ones that have always loved you for you, those long-time supporters that come in the form of family, friends, and allies. How lonely is that? 

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention one pretty dark and nefarious element of chasing fame: pursuing success to spite other people. When this happens, that shallow search for validation becomes even murkier. I would love to say that when I left Silicon Valley, the thought of “l’ll show them” never crossed my mind. I was going into a completely new industry and had never sung publicly or written songs before—of course, it crossed my mind! I know there were a lot of skeptics and naysayers around me in my past life—there still are—and I would love nothing better than to throw achievements in their faces. That Grammy was looking pretty shiny now. 

I’ve often done something, posted something, and sung to prove that I can ‘do this,’ whatever ‘this’ is. The fact is that ‘this’ is my life, I can’t live it for anyone else. Another fruitless chase that only ends up in a futile and frustrating place. I could never be ‘good enough’ to satisfy the expectations of everyone around me because those expectations are often not based on reality and always changing. But again, we fall into these traps and stumble until we realize that doing something to prove our value to another is a weighty chip on our shoulder that will take us down. I had to put a line in the song that my dad has echoed for many years, “Happiness starts with you.” Learning to find happiness in yourself and living your life, not living your life for others, is the most straightforward yet challenging endeavor we seem to be facing in our society, and it’s only gotten harder in this new era. 

I want you to be happy with you

Not hearing a voice or two

Because if you don't

You'll look around and choke

I know you want this life

To be all up inside

But it's a matter of fact

Fame won't buy you that

I wish I could say I’m beyond the chase for fame, but I’m not—I’m only human. But I know my traps, often awareness is the key and the first step. I’m doing a lot to continue checking my heart and original intention when I get wrapped up in the need to post more to feel better about myself. I want my art to live on long past me, to help people now and for the next generation. I can only do that if I do it with a pure heart because if I don’t, these lyrics will ring loudly.

So if you try, try, try so hard it won't come

It don't matter who you think you are

If you look inside and

can't find it in you first

It will get the best of you,

don't let it get the best of you

Rock on, y’all.