I Wish You Well
"Yes, I wish you well" is the last line of the song "Wish You Well" from my album, “Breaking Bread: Songs of Reconciliation.” The song falls in the album's second act, which is all about mending the relationships with those closest to you. This lyric is somewhat of a tongue-in-cheek way of telling someone to see you later and get the heck out of my life. I wrote this song after I broke off a romantic relationship in California. It was a hard season of mixed emotions; by this point, I just wanted the thought of this person to go away. I didn't want to wish them harm; I just wanted to stop thinking about them all the time. However, this song has taken on a new meaning in my current life season. No longer is it so much a tongue-in-cheek, kissing that person goodbye and moving-on anthem, but rather it’s become an expression of knowing that seasons will change and people come in and out of our lives, which is okay.
For the last few months, I've struggled a lot with relationships near and dear to me changing and evolving. Relationships that used to be close now feel distant. It's challenging when you move and leave your community and network behind, even with all the technology and communication methods we have access to stay in touch. Yet, proximity to those you want to be closest still provides the best bridge for connection. Lately, there has been a longing in my heart to rekindle the bonds of the relationships of the past, but I also understand that things have changed, lives have changed, locations have changed, and we are all no longer the same.
So why do we have such a hard time letting go and accepting this truth?
It's simply because change is hard, and we are afraid that the evolving dynamics have more to say about us than the circumstance. But more often than not, it is not us, it’s just a part of life. Evolution is normal and natural, and it has to take place to advance to the next stage of life. Holding on to the past with an iron fist means you are never making space for the future and what it holds. Hence, you are limiting your life's potential.
I've found that there are a few agreements that we can make with ourselves to make it easier to let someone go and wish them well:
Accept that this change is happening. Change is okay, it is a natural part of life. Resistance to change further frustrates us and leads us to false realities and unmet expectations. The faster we accept the change, the better equipped we will be to live in the present.
Give yourself the space to grieve. The changing dynamics of a relationship can feel similar to losing the relationship entirely. Even if we know it’s not lost, we can still feel an aching for the elements that are no longer there. It is okay to grieve those parts of the relationship that no longer exist and feel sad about no longer having what you once had. Grieving is helpful and healthy—it helps us to further accept the new dynamics and parameters of the relationship.
Remove the label that this change is a 'bad' thing. So often, we want to label experiences as either “good” or “bad”; when they are uncomfortable, they end up landing in the latter. One of the biggest realities that I've had to accept is that there may be a reason that this individual, or relationship, is distancing itself from me. We might never fully understand why some relationships change, but more often than not, they change for the better, giving you the space to grow how you need to in your current season of life. Many times folks I was close to would have talked poison into my dreams even if it was well-intentioned; having them be at an arm's length ended up benefiting me and provided a positive outcome rather than the perceived negative one.
Practice gratitude for what you do have in your life. If you are constantly chasing after what you no longer have, you completely miss what you do have right in front of you. There have been many times when I've had to check myself while lamenting the shifts and changes of my California relationships, reminding myself of what I have in Tennessee: a wonderful husband with which I have an amazing relationship, a dream career that I get to pursue daily, a sweet fur family, a peace-filled oasis of a home, and many burgeoning and flourishing relationships here.
Sometimes wishing someone well does not mean you are writing them off or removing them from your life. To wish someone well can mean just that; at whatever phase of life they are in or are in, you can be kind-hearted and wish them well in their next chapter as you are writing yours.
So I implore you to do your heart some good and release that heaviness by wishing someone well today.